A couple of months ago I attended a short conference on coping with stress in ministry. “Much good did it do him!” mutter the family as they cope with me in Holy Week – not a pretty sight. Mind you, it is easier to diagnose a problem than to remedy it. A life-time of addiction cannot be resolved in twenty-four hours.
The truth is that we live in a very stressful performance-orientated culture. We work longer, harder, and are often forced to travel huge distances not only to work, but as part of our work. The Bishop of St Albans spoke recently of a four-day visit he made to Japan. Fifty years ago it would have probably taken you nearly that long to get there; a hundred years ago the round trip would have taken months. At home and leisure we are invaded by the ubiquitous phone and or email that demand near instant response. Our senses are constantly assaulted by visual and sonic stimuli from the media. I feel we live in a Looking Glass Land where we have to run faster and faster in order to remain in the same place. There is so little space in our lives unless we become prisoners of inactivity through illness, infirmity, disability or unemployment. In fact we encounter stillness and silence so infrequently for much of our lives that when we do experience it we find it strange, unsettling and even disturbing.
If we are honest we frequently collude with the ethos of activism, a major contributor to stress. Being busy, filling up the blanks in our diaries has become a life-style that is not easily broken. We fool ourselves into believing the devil’s own lie that we are what we achieve. In other words we begin to assume that our value can only be expressed by what we do. If this becomes the dominant culture of our society the consequences will be horrific. For logically those who are incapable of being productive should be eliminated as they are a drain on resources. Over twenty years ago in a previous parish I was horrified to hear one church member say of another that he saw him as no longer having much value as he could not make a useful contribution to the PCC. Thank God that He values us for who we are and what we mean to him, not for our achievements.
Of course, a stress-free life is not possible. Indeed, it could be argued that a degree of stress is healthy as it is both necessary for survival and makes us focus on what is important. However, most of us suffer from stress overload. What we need to learn are some vital stress management skills if we are not to be overwhelmed. It’s interesting that several programmes on Classic FM are deliberately marketed as stress therapy – time to relax.
Wanda Nash, former UK Chair of the International Stress Management Association, suggests some key strategies in her book Christ, Stress and Glory. She maintains that as creatures composed of body, mind, emotion and spirit all these facets of our personality have to be addressed. Of course what affects one aspect of our being will have repercussions on the others. Accordingly we need to learn a variety of skills both physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The value of relaxation, proper diet and deep breathing exercises are well known. However we need to go further than that. Valuing choice (being able to say ‘yes’ as well as ‘no’ without guilt) is an extremely important skill. Then again, developing the ability how to relate to others in such a way that they do not set our agenda by their unrealistic expectations is vital. Since so much stress is engendered by our need to be indispensable, Wanda shows us how to move from between being in control and being in charge. Other stress busters include laughter, learning to listen to yourself, to others and to God, the importance of stillness and prayer, of learning how to let go and be.
As well being full of helpful exercises to help handle these life pressures Christ, Stress and Glory is populated with little pen portraits of instantly recognisable characters, like Doug Try-hard and Anne Other, Queenie Trim. I include a sample (Anne Other - A Case Study) below. Wanda contrasts their and our frenetic activism with the example of Jesus, whose life was more stress-filled than ours and whose “response was to face it and retune it to .. the Glory of the Father.” I intend to take some of this on board so I might be a little more livable with. If it works (and perhaps you’d better ask the family) I’ll lend you the book.
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Anne Other – A Case Study Anne Other was tight. Not tight as in inebriated – she was quite the opposite of letting things go. Her lips were tight, her skirts were tight, she held her elbows tightly against her body, she crossed her arms, and crossed her knees. Perhaps, sub-consciously, she was protecting herself. Anne’s shoulders were hard under her padded shoulder jacket; she was armoured, and she was IN THE RIGHT. It was too risky to see life from the other person’s point of view, so she fixed her own horizons and then she wasn’t frightened by them. But people did not like her very much; she did not have many friends. Anne knew that she talked little, ate little, slept little, and played never. That way, she could be sure she was IN CONTROL. Anne Other would say, quite often, “I can’t relax, I can’t give in; I’ve got to hold myself together, so where’s the point?” and she would tighten her belt another notch. You must have met Anne; she is very near to most of us, even inside each of us somewhere. Wanda Nash Christ Stress and Glory, Published DLT ISBN 0-232-52178-6 |
Don Dowling, April 2002
