Bad for Business

Inside story

Do you belong here?

And where’s the donkey?

The Dry Land Swimming School

At Ease

Seeds

Soft Soap

The picnic

And where did you say...?

Goliath

Joseph looks back

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Mothering Sunday poses a number of difficulties for all-age worship. Not only are churches increasingly conscious of broken families and failed relationships but we may also feel pushed by commercial pressures to collude in promoting unreal stereotypes of parenthood. The following sketch is intended to explode some of these myths. A preliminary rehearsal is advisable.

"God couldn't be everywhere at once so He made mothers" (A Jewish Proverb)

CHARACTERS: Narrator, Props Manager, Mrs Tee Vee Mum.

PROPS: Baby Bottle (BB), Saucepan (SP), Whistle (WH), Chauffeur's Cap (CC), Dustpan and brush (DP), Washing powder (WP), Telephone (TE), Shopping bag (SB), Book -  Dr. Spock (BO), First Aid Box (FAB), Lawn Mower (LM).

As the activity connected with each item is mentioned in the story, the Props Manager hands or removes the particular article to/from Mrs Tee Vee Mum.

NARRATOR: We present a day in the life of Mrs. Tee Vee Mum who really is a marvel.

At 7 a.m. Mrs Tee Vee Mum wakes up singing and starts her new day. First she feeds Baby (BB) with Nestles Baby Milk, then cooks (SP) breakfast (Weetabix for the children, Special K for her husband followed by Del Monte Orange and Danish bacon and Typhoo Tea). She referees (WH) a quarrel between the two older children so that her husband can read his Daily Mail undisturbed, finds his car keys and (CC) drives her husband to the station, drops her two older children off to school and returns home.

Then she settles down to cleaning (DB) the entire house with a smile on her face as she is using an Addis Broom, New Flash and an Electrolux vacuum cleaner. In between she answers (TE) six telephone calls (three wrong numbers and two double glazing salesmen), deals with a screaming baby (BO) and (WP) a day's washing (Persil washes whiter and it shows), writes her shopping list (SB), feeds baby again (BB) and drives off (CC and SB) to Sainsbury's for the shopping. Here she whizzes around the supermarket buying wholesome, nutritious, non-fattening and additive-free food for the entire family and still has change from a £20 note! Unruffled by the baby's screaming she administers first aid when he traps his fingers in the car door (FAB) drives back home singing nursery rhymes and unloads the shopping. Then she answers the telephone again while feeding the baby (TE and BB), and cooks herself (SP) a low calorie lunch.

She decides she hasn't got time to redecorate the front room so she mows the front lawn (LM) and cleans the car (CC and DP) while the baby is asleep. She then answers the telephone (TE) (her mother) and baby awakes screaming (BB then BO then FAB then DP). It's now time (drops BB, BO, FAB and DP) to collect (CC) her two children from school. When they return she prepares their tea (SP), referees two squabbles, (WH and TE) while answering an involved telephone call from her mother-in-law over the merits of dried and tinned prunes. When baby screams again (BB and BO) having failed to get satisfaction from Dr. Spock she applies him to the child's seat of learning and it stops. She washes the older children (WP) and reads them a story (BO) and puts them to bed. She starts to cook (SP) her husband a delicious soufflé when the telephone rings (TE) (mother-in-law again about constipation) waking up the eldest child who is immediately sick (WP and FAB). The soufflé burns (SP) and her husband walks in saying "Have you had a good day, darling?" Wife sweetly replies, "About average, my dear."